


When I Drift Off, I'll Dream About You

by ShannonRona



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A4, Avengers 4, End Game, Endgame, F/M, Pepperony - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-09-14 01:30:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16903554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShannonRona/pseuds/ShannonRona
Summary: Pepperony one shot based on the very first trailer we received for A4 (Avengers: Endgame) today!  Continuation of Tony's recording for Pepper.  (This is just a guess for A4!  Written before A4 released.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Totally fan made, written PRE A4! Just a guess, something I made based off of the trailer we got today. Might be a multi part thing, I don't really know yet.

"This thing on?"

It was a stupid question. The flickering glow of the face plate eyes as they scanned his image for a video recording should've answered his question, but these days, he was used to talking to himself. It was comforting, for some reason. The silence, for the first time in his life was nice, but...there's only so much silence he could take before he started going insane. But that's how it would be...there was no definite path home, and now he was facing the end of his legacy, the end of Tony Stark as he knew himself.

So, he had to say goodbye to Pepper. Just in case someday Nebula was able to transport his body home...he had to say goodbye to her, to remind her he love-loved...her.

Once the helmet was recording, he slumped back against the metal parts of the ship, weak from lack of food and water. It was already hard to breathe; the air was thinning, and his lungs felt like collapsing. Eventually, he would use the rest of the air, so talking now wouldn't matter. As long as she knew...

"Hey, Miss Potts," he managed through a hoarse voice, battling his own defeat down. "Or...Mrs Stark? Potts-Stark?" He huffed in his own delirious amusement. "Guess we never decided. That's okay...we'll, uh...we'll figure it out."

He paused, feeling choked up for a second. But this was a recording for Pepper. For her to remember him by, not for her to feel sad every time she saw it. Though, he wouldn't blame her if she did. He wasn't hiding it well; he was emotional and moody due to lack of, well, everything he needed to survive, and the scar in his abdomen that he healed temporarily was starting to get infected and there was nothing he could do about the pain of that, either. He looked like a skeleton, his face sunken in and his stomach growling louder than a bear, and there was no cover up for that. Hopefully, she'd hold onto other memories of him when he was more...himself.

"Hey, I was thinking..." he tried next, tossing a loose screw aside and leaning his head back against the wall behind him, his knees up as arm rests in front of him. "What if we didn't do the big wedding thing? Lose all the hype, just...go to a court house or something. You can invite your family, if you want. ...You are my family; I don't have anyone else. Except...Rhodey and Happy, maybe...Morgan?"

He sighed, thinking of their last conversation together. God, all he wanted was to give her a family. Give her a shot at something normal...

"I dunno, Pep..." he whispered, looking down at the floor now to hide the way he tried to blink back tears. "I just felt like..."

No. This wasn't supposed to make her feel guilty, this was supposed to be an explanation, a promise that he cared for her and that he was doing the right thing when he...passed?

"Never mind, I'm rambling..." he mumbles, shaking his head before running a hand through his hot, messy hair. "I'm up here in space, you're not."

There was no way for her to be pregnant. Not now, anyway. She wasn't before, so she wouldn't be now. He was sort of needed for that. He was talking nonsense, just hoping desperately for some kind of confirmation that he did something right before he died.

"Uh... If you find this recording somehow...if my body makes it back to Earth or something...don't feel bad about it," he requested instead. "I probably didn't suffer. Honestly, I'll probably knock out and lose consciousness when I start to run out of air. It's not a bad way to go, considering all the ways I've cheated death before..."

He chuckled lightly, realizing how much of a lucky son of a bitch he really was, in the scheme of things.

"...Part of the journey is the end. And...I've reached my end."

But then he quieted, looking out the big window of the ship into starry space. 

"For the record, being adrift in space with...zero promise of rescue...is more fun than it sounds," he sighed, eyes closing as he let his head fall back a second time and he sucked in a deep breath, trying not to gasp for air unless he felt particularly short breathed. "I thought..." he began, then pressed his lips together, frustrated. "I used to have those nightmares about it, you know? The portal and the big dragon things, and...it isn't like that out here. It's...peaceful. Maybe it's because nothing exists anymore, maybe you don't even exist anymore, who knows..."

That was the worst part. Him, recording this, not even sure if Pepper would ever receive it. If he died, would anyone ever save her? Bring her back? Give her the life she deserved, maybe without the pain of knowing him? He ruined her life, after all. He made her fall in love with him, just to do this...just to disappear.

"There's just nothing out here," he finally continued, eyes glossing over as he kept his gaze out the window, tone emotionless and exhausted at this point. "Nothing out here to help, nothing out here to hurt. It's the first peace and quiet I've had in a very, very long time, actually..."

And then he forced himself to tell her the details, realizing he was getting light headed and it had to be nearing midnight. He had mere hours left... Nebula would make it, she was more robot than human, and could function on no oxygen, but he had no chance in hell.

"Food and water ran out four days ago..." he admitted quietly. "Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning.... And that'll be it."

As he said it, a weird calm overcame him. Sure, he hadn't lead a good life to start, but he had changed. He bettered himself to better the rest of the world, and now half of that was gone. He attempts to redesign his drive...pointless. What was left of the world...might be better off without his attempts. He'd just disappear. But a name in a history book, someone to blame for all of this. The infamous Iron Man, who couldn't save everyone. 

"I'll just...drift off into sleep," he whispered, bringing his attention back to the helmet as he pushed himself up and knelt down in front of it, knowing his time was coming to an end. "Just like I do every night. Nothing new, just...sleep, dreams... Only this time I won't wake up. But when I do drift off..." he swallowed, "I'll dream about you."

Sighing, he reached out to turn off the recording, but hesitated, not knowing if it was the right place to end it.

"It's always you..." he added. "I love you, Pep."

And then a tear finally slipped out of his eye and down his cheek, so he ultimately rushed to turn off the recording and save it, storing it within the helmet. His hand lingered, caressing the side of it as he remembered. Remembered the suits, remembered her. Everything Iron Man meant to him.

He remembered her fiery red hair against that blue dress the first time he saw her. Really saw her, not just the friend he hired to do all his paperwork, but the woman he...fell in love with, that night, despite what she believed. He remembered her excitement when he gave her the CEO title, the rush of their first kiss on the roof. He remembered her voice as it soothed him in his nightmares, her hand when he put the ring into place on her finger, the way she bit her lip when he asked for a kid... And now it was all gone.

He would've killed - ironic, right - to listen to any of her old voicemails to lull him into sleep, to calm his erratic heart so he could go without panic, but if he did, he would exhaust the last of the power for the helmet and she would never have a chance at getting his message. So he couldn't. He would die alone, in space, facing his worst fear without a choice.

Except, he had at least one person. Nebula, the being he'd befriended over the last...however long it had been, he really had no idea; he'd lost count weeks ago.

He tugged on that old track jacket - the same one he had worn the last day he was with her - and crossed his arms as he scooted back against the floor. And that's when he heard her footsteps coming to check on him. She'd given him privacy to record, but even she wanted to say goodbye before he tried to sleep.

"She'll get your message," the blue robot promised, hand on his shoulder as he sat back again, closing his eyes.

"You have to make it back first," he mumbled, and that's when her hand slid back off.

"I will. I can last out here. Someone will cross my path eventually."

He sighed, knowing it was a long shot. They had been powerless for days, and she'd have to eat eventually too... Sure, her diet was a little different, but she still did have human parts which would expire if they didn't get the things they needed. She was just less dependent as he was.

"I'll kill Thanos for you," she promised next. "They'll remember you."

And that just made him laugh, smirking that usual Tony Stark smirk. "Just like he wanted..."

Next came the shared silence of a goodbye, and then the long hours he spent wishing he could sleep but knowing he was too afraid. He tried to picture her, picture all of the happy smiles they shared...but it was hard. He hadn't seen her in so long...

"I'm sorry, Pep..." he whispered when he finally gave up. "God, I'm so sorry..."

And then, as he started to believe maybe there was a chance, his ears began to ring from pressure and he felt faint. There was no vision, no energy left to open his eyes. But he swore...he swore on every fiber of his being, as he slowly slipped into an oxygen deprived sleep, the last thing he inhaled through his nostrils was her scent...lemon, ginger, and...Pepper.

 

.  
.  
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.  
.

 

"Tony!"

That voice. The same desperate yell of his name as he'd heard for the last ten years.

An image of her flickered in his mind. Was he awake? No. He was asleep, falling onto his side just before passing out earlier. There was no air. He would've died at precisely..seven thirty eight in the morning. So where was he now? Why could he see her, in a haze, her hair pulled back over...his armor? And...dirt on her face? Wait, was she crying? Maybe this was hell. He knew he wasn't getting into heaven, that was a done deal ages ago. But if it was hell..she wouldn't be here. In any form, even just his imagination meant to torture him.

And then he faded again, the rush of being lifted making him sick enough to knock back out. He felt stuck, like he was slipping in and out of some kind of trance that he couldn't wake up from. There was blackness, there was dizziness, and he was pretty sure this was what happened when his soul separated from his body. 

At least now he knew he had a soul.

"Careful," a different voice echoed in his nightmare. 

It was distant, but it was definitely Rogers. Lord, how long had it been since he'd seen him? Definitely longer than Pepper.

Pepper...no, now Pepper was speaking again. "Is he gonna be okay?"

Okay? Do demons care about how you are when you die? Hell could probably be that fucked up. But he couldn't tell; he was slipping back into unconsciousness, welcoming it if it meant more silence. He didn't want to feel anymore...didn't want to kept hat weight on his shoulders. He was finally free. Death freed him.

There was mostly blackness, just nothingness. Occasional voices, hums in his mind. Memories of Pepper's laugh, how it felt to have her hands in his hair at night. Just small things haunting him, like the beeping of the heart monitor when he first assembled his arc reactor. ...Until he was blinded by bright lights, LEDs overhead when he found the strength to open his eyes. He felt weak, still unable to move more than his head, and he was confused. He'd died, right? He'd run out of oxygen, he was lost in space...

"Oh, God, Tony..."

It was a heavy sigh, a quiet one, and then that feeling of hands in his hair again was back, and more prominent than before, and he blinked slowly, focusing as a shadow came in front of his view. A shadow, a...

"Potts, you're on deck," he heard, another woman, maybe...Romanoff?

Why the hell was she haunting him now?

"He's awake," he heard Pepper mutter, but all he could feel were his eyes closing again with the shock that he might not be dead. "Tony," her voice tried again, soft and delicate as a cool hand cupped his scrawny cheek. "Baby, wake up. You're safe."

He felt...panicked. His heart was racing as he realized he wasn't still on the Milano. He was in a clean room, maybe not a hospital, but something sterile and full of oxygen.

But his heart rate picked up on whatever he was monitoring him, and it caused her to try to soothe him, holding him down when he tried to jerk up and pull off the oxygen mask he then felt on his jaw. 

They hadn't been visions, or imaginations... She was there, Rogers was there... They had located them and she'd saved him. She didn't even get the message, there was no way...but she'd found him. How long had she been searching?

"Welcome back to the land of the living," he heard Romanoff tease from somewhere to his other side.

Managing enough energy to swallow, he forced his eyes back open, his brow pressing together, and blinked toward the direction of her voice. Sure enough, she was there, arms crossed, per usual. But her hair was longer...still that fiery red, but longer, and braided.

"Never thought I'd say it, but I missed you, Stark," she added, smiling in just the slightest. "Ditch the suit, I'll take double."

Suit?! Wait, she had been wearing armor...did she really claim one of the suits as her own? Was she using the nano tech? He had so many questions he couldn't ask.

"But-" he heard Pepper argue, but Nat was already dismissing her.

"We'll trade for next time."

And that's when he blinked his eyes dramatically, turning his head back and taking a deep breath before focusing on the other woman...his woman. Pepper sat at his side, concern plastered on her flawless face. Dark circles were under her eyes, signs of not getting enough sleep, but he knew her, and he knew she was focused on him. 

"Relax...just breathe," she finally spoke again, and his lips twitched at the sight of her.

God, was she beautiful. She was everything he'd remembered. Petite, gentle, with that soft, strawberry blond hair framing her face and those thin lips that he loved tasting... And she was here. She was here, and he was alive, somehow...

"We're not home yet," she informed him, going back to combing his shaggy hair back with her hand. "But you're somewhere safe. We'll be there soon, and Shuri can take a look at that wound."

Finally, enough was enough, and he raised his hand, trying to pry at the mask on his face. But she didn't let him lift it off; she was persistent, and captured his hand in her instead, her cool fingers lacing with his.

"I love you, you stubborn idiot...but you need that for a little while longer..." she joked, her voice catching as though it were bittersweet.

He was distracted easily, noting the engagement band that still sat on her ring finger, and that soothed him enough to sigh, relaxing again and giving into whatever pain killers they had him on and the fresh air.

"It's a long story, but we tracked your helmet every time you turned it on..." she whispered, filling him in. "Took us a while, but we found you. Brought you back on board and let you recover...you're probably still doped up on pain meds, so I don't know if you can even understand me right now..."

And then she sighed, leaning down to place a soft kiss on his forehead, which made him close his eyes in relief. He really was alive...he wasn't dead, he had only passed out.

"You gave me a scare when I found you. I thought...I thought we were too late," she murmured against his skin. "I missed you, Mr Stark..."

He didn't deserve her, and his heart ached at the thought of her finding him, probably resting on his side or against the wall or...however he had finally passed out. He knew he looked like a mess. He was probably frailer than she'd ever seen him, and she'd seen him petty messed up in his life. He could feel his thick beard, unshaven for a couple weeks and his long hair that fell into his eyes with each swoop of her hand through it. And yet she still looked at him like none of it mattered, like he was still the same person she'd seen in the park, even if he knew he'd never be the same.

There was so much he had to tell her, but right now, he felt exhausted, and overwhelmed, and as he focused on her soothing movements, he let himself fade back into sleep. But this time he was calm. This time, he knew she was alive, and she had come to save him, just like he had saved her so many times before. This time, Pepper had rescued him.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony wasn't sure how much time had passed since he was last awake. Shortly after Pepper had explained how he was still alive, they administered another round of pain killers for the infected wound on his stomach...which he had healed and accidentally reopened more than once since Thanos had given it to him. Those, in turn, knocked him out of consciousness again, leaving him sedated for a few more hours to catch up on sleep and let his body recover.

Honestly, it was the first solid sleep he'd had since the original surgery that had removed his arc reactor. This time he knew he was okay, so there was no bad dreaming...no nightmares, or fuzzy blips of memories, or worries...at least currently.

But eventually his eyes opened again, this time easier than before. The oxygen mask was still attached to his face, and he didn't try to remove it at first. Instead, he turned his head to see Pepper's seat was empty. So he took a deep breath of his fresh air, then struggled to push himself up into a sitting position against the bed pillows, propping himself up enough to look around. 

That's when the oxygen finally got to him and he removed the mask, immediately coughing as the unpurified air mixed into his lungs. It stung, it pinched, and his head spun as he tried to tune out the alarming ringing of whatever machines he was hooked up to...probably setting them off by taking off the clips on his fingers and tossing the oxygen aside, but he didn't care. He could ignore it.

But apparently only he could ignore it, because the next thing he knew, he was staring at the heavy work boots of someone way too familiar for comfort as they stepped into the room.

Stark blinked heavy a few times, rubbing his head with a hand.

"I'd say it's good to see you, but..." Stark managed, gesturing with the same hand before bringing his eyes up. 

But it came out scratchy, as though he hadn't used his voice in days. He probably hadn't. 

"After all this time and you're still holding a grudge..." the man muttered, lowering his head as it shook in amusement.

Tony lifted his own eyes and watched as his blond hair, now longer than ever before, hung in his eyes when he hooked his thumbs in his pockets and looked back up. He was still in uniform...though a different uniform. A darker one, that had...scales? Something of the sort. Some kind of new tech he was already itching to inspect.

"Stark..." he sighed.

"Cap."

There was a shared silence, neither one of them knowing what to say to each other. It had been...well, who knew how long now. At least a year or two. At least. 

"There a place to get a cup of coffee in this joint?" Tony mumbled next, his voice slowly coming back. 

He tried to shift so he could swing his legs over the side of the bed, hoping to stand and get his whereabouts, but he only managed to make himself cough. He felt more lightheaded than before, and gripped the edge of the small bed he was on with both hands.

Steve immediately jumped to his aid, letting the fragile man fall into his arms as he helped him steady himself. Tony coughed into his chest, sucked in a breath, then groaned in frustration.

"All right..." he heaved on a heavy breath before slapping Cap on the back and letting him push him back into his bed. "All right, it's a little good to see you, Rogers..."

Steve only chuckled at his defeat. "You look like hell, Stark."

"They don't have spa days in space."

"No, but you got plenty of beauty sleep," a new voice echoed through the room, interrupting them.

But this one was welcomed. Very, very welcomed.

"My knight in shining armor," Tony tried to joke, lifting a hand in gesture to the familiar red head next. "Hey, honey..."

Lord, was she a sight for sore eyes. Her hair was down. She was in lounge clothes, not whatever armor he swore he saw before. She didn't wear makeup, but he liked it better when she didn't. She was breath taking, and he had about a million questions for her once his heart stopped faltering due to the relief of seeing her again and actually being able to talk with her.

"Tony, you need that oxygen," she sighed.

Waving the mask in the air with one hand before bringing it to his lips in a dramatic breath of air, Tony hummed in agreement.

"How are you feeling?" she pressed.

"Great," he answered snarkily, taking the oxygen down again. "Like kittens and rainbows."

Pepper groaned in disgust, reattaching the clips to his hand as he scowled down at her fingers on his.

"I'll give you two a minute..." Steve answered politely, ducking back out, and Tony narrowed his eyes at him as he left, confused to why he was even visiting him in the first place.

Pepper whispered a thanks with a small smile to the soldier, then let out a breath when the door closed and turned back to Tony. She looked at him as though he was broken, and he hated it. He hated feeling so weak, so confused.

"You are...stunning..." he tried, smiling guiltily up at her.

Her soft hands brushed the hair from his forehead just like the last time he was sort of conscious. The were comforting, but when his dark, doe eyes looked up at her, she was frowning...over thinking.

"I'm starved... You think they still have that res?" he asked next, trying to stay light hearted about it, but when she blinked a few too many times for comfort and looked away, he felt his heart break. "Right, bad joke... Pep, I'm sorry...okay? Okay, it was stupid, and selfish, and-"

"I keep..." she huffed, steadying her voice. "I keep thinking when you disappear, it's gonna be the last time. That you'll come back and be sick of playing superhero, and you'll stay. But then you keep leaving, and you don't come back...and this time no one came back, Tony. Everyone's gone."

"Cap's here..." he pointed out, but then took her hand and squeezed gently when she turned back to him with red eyes. "How long has it been?"

It was a simple question, but even thinking about it made his head hurt.

"Since you left?" she asked delicately, looking down as he toyed with her ring. "Four months."

"And how long..."

"Three days since we found your ship."

It had been three days. Three days spend on an IV drip with regular meals slowly being allowed back into his schedule. Three days of off and on oxygen, weaning him off little by little. Three days of navigating through space, back towards Earth...home. That's what this was, wasn't it? Another space ship? It looked like the Quinjet...but it wasn't.

Thankfully he didn't have to ask. Pepper brought up a display from his charts, showing their specs, and he got straight to the point, twirling the hologram in the air above his bed as he inspected the ship they were on and the projected path back to Earth.

"Where's Nebula?" he asked while he focused, free hand still in hers.

"Mostly disassembled in another room," Pepper admitted. "Neither of you were fully functioning when we found you."

"I can revive her," he shrugged off, then sighed, glancing back at his fiance. "You...have a suit."

It was spoken matter of factly, with a little bit of humor. He was mostly entertained by the idea that finally, she understood the good they could do. But it was also bitter to an extent, because honestly...he would never want her to risk herself like that.

She hesitated, looking at their hands before finding words. "It doesn't mean I approve of them, Tony, I-"

"It's not one of mine," he remembered.

"It's...twelve percent of yours..." she spoke quietly, her lips twitching in a small smile as she teased him about something he had said ages ago. "It's the same design, better tech."

"Better tech?" he fake gasped. "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that, Miss Potts."

Sh only rolled her eyes in response. "It's your suit with Shuri's tech."

"Right..." he grumbled, glancing back at the display. "The doc that's supposed to check me out...who is this person, exactly?"

"She was from Wakanda."

"Was?"

Pepper's blue eyes held steady on his when he turned his attention back to her. "Before..."

"Before they disappeared," Tony finished for her, understanding she was probably completely unaware of what happened...all of them would be.

She nodded. "She was trying to get the stone from Vision without killing him, but it didn't work out that way, and..." She exhaled slowly. "She uploaded an AI modeled after herself in case something like this happened and we needed help accessing their tech. She's been helping us redesign your suits."

"So Vis is gone, too, huh?" Stark repeated, as if to remind himself what was going on.

But then he gave up, frustrated, and motioned for her to move back so he could get out of bed. She didn't seem to agree, but she slowly backed up, allowing him space.

Pepper watched as Tony swung his sore body over the edge of the bed with a grimace. He wasn't really ready to go back to work after nearly dying, but there was no other choice once they landed...and that would be in approximately twenty three minutes, judging by the map on the hologram.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" she asked. "You can stay in bed for a few days once we get in, the others will-"

"I need to fix this," he cut her off, shaking his head, adamant. "For Vision, for the planet, for...Parker..."

She didn't speak, though, which he found oddly comforting. She just waited, waited for him to take the conversation further, but he didn't want to talk about it anymore yet. He needed to get over the people harassing him about what had happened and trying to act like they gave a shit that he was back. He needed to get over the sadness, the regret, and figure out a way to get the kid back.

He was probably quiet too long, though, because the second he let his head rest in his hands over his hand, his hands wildly searching his long hair, Pepper was engulfing him in an embrace similar to all those before. His head against her chest, cradling him in her arms with her chin on his head for comfort. That's when he smelled that scent...the same one he smelled before he was about to pass out - her, and it broke him down.

"I don't want to be Iron Man anymore," he nearly whispered, his hands sliding up her back. 

"Tony..."

"I'm serious... After this...Pep, after we fix this, I'm...retiring. We'll put the suits away. Keep one or two, just in case, but I'm done...chasing aliens and trying to stop bad guys."

He lifted his head, still in her hold, and watched her press her brow together in concern. But he had never seen anything clearer, despite the emotions he hated creeping into his bloodstream.

"What are you going to work on, then?" she mused, thankful that he was finally seeing things her way, but also worrying that he was only saying it in the moment, and soon enough, things would be back to normal.

"Us," he answered easily. "You, and me, and a family... Pep, when we figure this out, let's have a baby, settle down somewhere..."

"And the Avengers?"

His lip twitched as he thought. "I'm getting too old for this shit."

That made her finally laugh. She chuckled lightly, pulling his head back up to watch as his eyes danced up at her. They were clear, for the first time in ages.

"There's still a war happening, Tony..."

"I know," he sighed. "But after that."

"What, when you kill yourself trying to win this fight?"

He swallowed awkwardly, suffering through his sore throat. "I'll make it through, I promise."

She took a deep breath, steady, and it chilled him. Her eyes left briefly, glancing down at his chest. Then her hand dropped from the back of his head, poking at the remaining nano tech still in him. 

"Promise me something else?"

"No more tech," he agreed before she could even say it. "It's a simple procedure."

He waited patiently for her answer, hoping it was a yes, but then her eyes flashed to the windows as they brightened; they were making it back to Earth after all, and flashbacks to when he returned from Afghanistan flew through his mind. But he didn't let it bother him...at least not visibly. He was too focused on Pepper, on her answer to his request.

"I'll think about it."


End file.
